Raining In My Heart
by velmavontussle
Summary: This story starts with prom and ends with a wedding that everyone wants to see. Pairings are C/B, D/B, D/S, N/J, V/OC, R/L. Light N/B, D/R, D/V, B/OC, N/S. Story is much better than summary.
1. Chapter 1

'Miss Blair, you look –' Dorota sighed as she watched the brunette glide down the stairs in a blue Oscar de la Renta ball gown and black Manolo Blahnik stilettos, tears blurring her normally perfect vision.

'I hope you were going to end that sentence with stunning because I've spent the past two days getting ready.' Smirked Blair, nervously checking her reflection when she finally approached a mirror. 'Is Nate here yet?'

'Yes. Mister Nate arrived ten minutes ago but I tell him to wait in kitchen. Should I go get him?'

'Yes Dorota! And why would you send him to the kitchen of all places. It's just so … unromantic. Tell him to come her now, we're already running late.' Blair pushed Dorota into the kitchen; acting like their tardiness wasn't due to the fact that she couldn't decide on which headband to wear. Blair sighed, fiddling with her ridiculously long skirt. She was going to prom with Nate Archibald, her childhood sweetheart, just like she'd always planned. She looked amazing and happy and had reunited with the supposed love of her life. So why wasn't she happy? Blair couldn't even answer her string of philosophical thoughts because soon Nate was throwing himself at her, a beautiful corsage in his right hand and a bottle of champagne in his left one. And she suddenly felt overwhelmed with how little she felt for him. But they were Blair Waldorf and Nate Archibald and they were supposed to belong together.

***

It was supposed to be beautifully simple: Dan would take Vanessa to prom to keep up appearances and then straight afterwards he would spend the weekend with Rachel in her wonderfully cozy apartment (for once his dad and Lily's relationship had paid off: they were going away for the weekend straight after they finished chaperoning prom. Apparently they had some unfinished business in Paris). It was all supposed to be a simple thing that could've gone off without a hitch but that would involve Ms. Carr not being a crazy, jealous bitch.

It all started with Rachel telling Dan to take someone to prom (where she had volunteered to be a chaperone). Rachel suggested his sister or best friend, and Dan happily complied, inviting a heartbroken Vanessa to be his date. Though Vanessa was a little reluctant to see her ex-boyfriend on the arm of Blair Waldorf, but her couldn't take Jenny (who had planned an I Hate Prom Night with Eric and Jonathon). Prom was a ridiculously large event with hundreds of seniors dancing and attempting to spike the punch (successfully since manning the punch was Lily's job and she was _very_ distracted by her date. It's like they wanted Dan and Serena to suffer). Serena looked amazing in a white Carolina Herrera dress that did her cleavage justice. Dan always thought he'd go to prom with Serena, so seeing her with Chuck Bass was slightly crushing (It was a pity date. They both had tons of offers, but never from the right person. Serena knew about Dan and Rachel, and Blair made sure that Chuck knew about her and Nate. They were both heartbroken and refused to admit it, so why not be sad and stubborn together). But Dan was sleeping with a teacher, every teenage boy's fantasy, Blair was, of course, the most stunning girl at prom and she looked positively radiant next to Nate. But no one knew that she was crumbling on the inside because nothing was exciting her, not the black and silver balloons Ms. Carr had pumped with help from Dan or the fact that none of the girls looked half as pretty as her (with the exception of Serena and her mother, who didn't count). Something felt wrong about this whole sordid event, maybe it had to do with the boy standing next to her best friend, drinking from the alcohol-abused punch bowl. She hadn't seen him in one month, not since he barged into Serena's room looking for a blackberry charger (She made Serena come to her house after that). He looked … slightly miserable. And suddenly she hated herself for doing this to him, for pulling a Nate and dating the best friend. But he deserved it, after everything he had put her through. So she tugged at Nate's arm and asked him to dance. She knew she was a monster, but so was he and he just had to understand how she felt when she found him snorting coke with those unattractive hookers. Though she was pretty sure that he already did.

***

As soon as Nate and Blair began dancing in the center of the room, Vanessa wanted to cry. She still loved him and she couldn't believe that he had dumped her because she had innocently flirted with some guy to snag a free muffin.

'Dan, why did you make me come to this? They're nauseatingly cute and perfect together.'

'V, seriously? She's totally hung up on Chuck and he still had feelings for you, I mean it's so obvious.' Vanessa laughed, staring at a very happy Nate.

'Feelings? Dan, stop trying to make me feel better. He's a jackass.' Dan nodded, not letting it slip that he and Nate were still pretty good friends and had even gone to lunch earlier that day.

'Well, what do you say we dance and try to help you forget that … jackass?' Vanessa laughed and nodded, letting Dan pull her onto the dance floor. God knew that neither of them could dance half as well as Blair and Nate, but they didn't care, they just giggled together and did a few badly timed twirls. To them, it was just some innocent fun, but to Ms. Carr Dan was totally cheating on her with that pretty, annoying Brooklyn whore. Which was why she discretely approached him, asking for help with that 'darn window that just won't open'. No one noticed their disappearance, except of course Serena who decided to do a few extra punch shots.

'Rachel, what are you doing? I thought you said that no one could see us together?' asked Dan when they were safely confined in an empty classroom.

'Do you have feelings for her?' hissed Rachel as she locked the wooden door.

'Who – Vanessa? No, of course not! She's my best friend, I was trying to distract her from the fact that her ex-boyfriend was dancing with Blair Waldorf.'

'I don't believe you Dan. I get that I'm not as young or pretty but –'

'Rachel.' Interrupted Dan, reaching out to caress the side of her face. 'I rally, really like you. Not Vanessa -' he couldn't bring himself to say 'or anyone else' because they both knew he'd be lying The evidence of that was currently talking to her mother and his father about keeping the PDA to a bare minimum. 'You. So can you please stop accusing me of lying?' Rachel smiled at him, stepping forwards to brush her lips against his.

'You're right. And I'm sorry.' She looked up at him and Dan noticed the tears collecting at the corners of her eyes. 'I just couldn't take you dancing with someone else.'

'It was your suggestion that I take Vanessa.'

'I know, and I'm sorry. I didn't think that I would get so jealous.' She kissed him again, hoping to prevent a fight. You know, the door's locked.' She mumbled, nibbling his neck lightly. 'And I don't think I can wait until prom ends.' Soon her mouth was back on his, her tongue attacking his and her arms finding their way around his neck. Dan wanted to go back to prom and have fun with his (admittedly few) friends, but he was supposed to want this. A hot, young teacher was unbuttoning his dress shirt and he wanted to do was hang out with his friends. What was wrong with him?

***

Vanessa was getting annoyed. Dan had left ten minutes ago and didn't appear to be coming back. He stranded her after begging her to come to prom with him, prom for a school she didn't even go to, filled with people she despised where she had to watch the love of her life dance with the love of his (minus his brief, unfinished romanticized fling with Serena).

'What are you doing here?' he seemed genuinely surprised, he was putting on his traditional, innocent Nate Archibald expression. But she had finally learned to see through it.

'Dan asked me to come Nate. If you have an issue, take it up with him.' They were standing awkwardly by the punch bowl while Blair attempted to entertain a depressed Serena (who had finally noticed Dan and Ms. Carr's absence).

'No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just surprised to see you -'

'After you broke my heart? Well, believe me, seeing you canoodling with Blair Waldorf hasn't exactly been a picnic.' She wanted to leave, to escape the world she had somehow been pulled into. Where people pretend to be something they weren't, just like Nate pretended to be a nice guy.

'Look, Vanessa, I'm really sorry.'

'Save it Nate. Do you realize that, at some point or other, you've been in love with four women in this room: Blair, Serena, Jenny and me. And now you're starting all over again. What's next: a brief fling with Serena to see what you could've been? Or maybe you'll decide that Brooklyn is good enough for you. Nate, I'm done with you. Really and truly. I'm done with all of this.' It felt so good to say that, but she knew the last part was a lie: once you're pulled into the Upper East Side, you never leave.

'You're wrong Vanessa, I love Blair.' Vanessa tried not to scoff at the ridiculous notion that Nate could love Blair after everything that happened.

'You love how you look with her, how well and comfortably you fit together. You love pretending that you're happy.'

'You're wrong.' He stated simply, even though she was totally and completely right. He walked away from her, giving an awkward little shrug and she suddenly hated this supposed prince charming. He walked up to Blair because he just had to prove Vanessa Abrahms wrong. He loved Blair, always had, always would. _Right? _'Hey hon.' He smiled, softly brushing his lips against her cheek. 'Do you want to dance?' She politely excused herself from her conversation with a _very_ drunk Serena before turning around and smiling so tightly at him that he had to wonder if it was forced.

'Not now. S is having a total meltdown over Dan and her ment-whore. I mean, it's bad enough that she has to live with him but now it's like he's throwing his relationship with Mrs. Robinson in her face.'

'But it's our prom. And we've only danced, like, twice.' His arms found their way around her waist and she couldn't breathe.

'Serena needs me Nate.'

'I need you.' He insisted, his grip tightening. 'We're the king and queen of this prom.' She wanted to shrug him off and she didn't know why.

'Okay folks, it's time for the big dance of the night, now make sure that you dance with someone you did **not** accompany this evening.' Their obnoxious math teacher's voice boomed out through the loudspeaker and they both looked up at each other, slightly bewildered.

'You should ask Serena, distract her. Please.' She was almost begging, anything to get his hands off her very thin waist.

'Fine.' He nodded, fairly content. He liked Serena, especially drunk Serena. Soon he was leading her onto the dance floor and she was giggling as they got into waltz position. She watched Vanessa leave and Rufus and Lily dance discreetly in the corner, but no one came up to her because she was Blair Waldorf and far too intimidating. But one minute into the never-ending dance, he came up to her and offered his hand. And she instantly took it, not thinking even though she should have been.

She never imagined in a million years that she would fall in love with Charles Bartholomew Bass, but as his hand found it's place on her lower back she couldn't imagine not loving him. Though she wanted to hate him for putting her through so much, but she couldn't because she was Blair Waldorf and he was Chuck Bass and they belonged together. Even though she was supposed to belong with Nate and he was supposed to belong with tomorrow's whore. They didn't speak a word to each other, it was just too painful. She nervously laid her hand on his shoulder and they began to dance slowly, waltzing around the ballroom.

He loved her so much it hurt, but he just couldn't tell her. He couldn't tell her **because** he loved her and he meant what he wrote: she deserved better than him. She _deserved_ a man who could cherish her and love her like she deserved. But he could totally feel his selfish side taking over as she edged her head closer to his until their foreheads were resting against each other and suddenly it felt like there was no one else in the room. They loved each other _so_ much. They just couldn't be together. Which was why Blair started to silently cry in his arms as he pulled her closer, and why she never wanted this perfect, wordless dance to end. But soon Nate was softly tapping her shoulder and whispering 'May I cut in.' She hated Chuck for letting him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for the sweet reviews!! I really appreciate them. So remember to keep telling me what you think. ******

**Cityhorizon – I know. But I promise that Nate won't ruin any more Chair moments, and he won't be staying with Blair for long.**

**Hannahmeh – The D/B will start later in the story and although it will be fairly prominent, know that I adore Chuck/Blair and they will ultimately end up together.**

**Mrschuckbass123 – There will be four weddings in this story, and the one at the end definitely involves Blair. But that's all I'm saying for now.**

**Chair4eva – I frequently want to slap Nate ;) And they are too cute for words!**

Prom definitely had its consequences. Serena woke up with a killer hangover, Blair and Nate had a huge fight and on Wednesday, Rachel Carr quit her job at Constance Billiard. She called Dan immediately after she met with Headmistress Queller and begged him to meet her at her apartment as soon as possible. He told his dad and Lily that he was going to meet Vanessa (thought it's not like they didn't know about Rachel. Rufus just liked to live in a bubble where Dan was still the perfect child). He made the trek to Tribeca (which used to be next door, but now he lived on the Upper East Side. In the Palace hotel. With Chuck Bass. Who would've guessed?) and forty-five minutes after she called, he stood in front of her apartment, knocking repeatedly on the carefully painted door.

'Dan, hi. Thanks for coming.' She smiled at him, glancing around nervously to make sure that none of her neighbors were present before pecking him on the lips.

'What was so urgent that you couldn't tell me over the phone?' he asked bluntly as she ushered him inside of the apartment he had gotten to know very well over the past (almost) four months. He didn't mean to be rude, but his dad had just come home and he was missing family movie night (which he normally dreaded, but Serena had rented Manhattan, and he adored any combination of Woody Allen, Meryl Streep and Diane Keaton).

'I quite my job!' she exclaimed as soon as the door was closed and she was sure that she had his undivided attention. And if she didn't before, she certainly did now.

'You … you quit your job at the most prestigious school in Manhattan. The job that you came from Des Moines to get –' he looked at her, flabbergasted and completely confused.

'To be with you.' She filled in the blanks for him, though to her it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world (Why else would she leave Constance, and why wasn't he happier)?

'Rachel, I graduate in less that a week. It makes absolutely no sense to quit now just to be with me.'

'Yes, but you'd be going to Yale and I'd be stuck here. Long distance relationships never work, and this way I could go with you. Maybe get a PhD in English Literature.' Dan immediately backed away from her, walking towards her phone and then handing it to her.

'You're going to call Headmistress Queller and tell her to give you your job back, say that you weren't thinking clearly.' Dan just couldn't deal with taking such a serious step forwards with a woman he'd known for four months, a woman who was just supposed to be a short fling (how many student-teacher affairs resulted in happily ever after)?

'Dan – what are you talking about? This is what we want, isn't it? To be together.' She looked up at him with such innocent eyes that he was almost swayed (but then he remembered that her innocence was just a cover. The real Rachel Carr was anything but).

'Yes, Rachel. For a short period of time, nothing more. I think you're romanticizing this, making it much more than it really is.' He was someone who never freaked out over the future, when it involved Serena or Christmas in Miami with his dad and Lily. But when he thought of his future, he simply couldn't include Rachel in it.

'Dan, what are you talking about? I love you.' There they were, those three little words that convinced him that this was definitely over.

'Rachel, I'm sorry but I can't.' he liked her a lot, of course he did. She was smart and beautiful and, well, the female version of him. But all he could think right now was that he couldn't believe that he had given up Serena van der Woodsen for … her. 'You should call the headmistress; ask her job for your back. The school will appreciate you the way you deserve, the way that I can't.' He didn't know what to do, her eyes were filling with tears and he suddenly realized just how much she had given up to be with him. 'I'm really sorry, I'm just not ready.' He bent down to kiss her cheek and her eyes instantly fluttered close.

'Dan, please -' she managed to choke out (She never cried, but she had given up everything for him. And now they were over before they even began).

'I've got to go.' And then he did.

***

Blair Waldorf had always looked forward to prom, ever since she was five years old and found her mother's prom photo hidden in a Marc Jacobs shoebox. But prom had probably been the worst night of her life (second to Bart's funeral) because she had realized that she would never stop loving Chuck Bass. Which was why she had called Serena and planed an emergency sleepover (Chuck was going to Tokyo on business, thank God). She arrived at seven forty five, fifteen minutes before the van der Humphreys would pop in 'Manhattan' (which just happened to be one of her favorite movies. After anything with Audrey and The Age of Innocence, of course). It was also at seven forty five that Dan returned from Ms. Carr's, resulting in an awkward run-in in the hallway.

'Humphrey.' She groaned when she caught sight of him. 'What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be licking whipped cream off of Miss Iowa.' Dan instantly wrinkled his nose, pulling his key out of his jacket pocket.

'That', uh, that's disgusting Waldorf. And things with Rachel and I aren't gonna work out.'

'I don't need to know the details Humphrey. You broke my best friend's heart. So just open the door so that I don't have to talk to you any longer.' He sighed and put his key in the penthouse lock, twisting twice before pushing open the door.

'Ladies first.' She rolled her eyes at him before pushing her way inside the penthouse apartment.

'Blair hello.' Smiled Lily as se poured popcorn into a large plastic bowl. 'You're just in time, Jenny was about to pop in the DVD.'

'Great. Is Serena here?'

'Hey Blair.' Grinned Serena as she glided down the stairs, answering Blair's question. 'And Dan.' She grimaced slightly at him before continuing down the stairs. 'Welcome to the first van der Humphrey movie night, and hopefully the last.' She whispered the final part, leading Blair towards their enormous white couch. Soon Woody Allen and Diane Keaton were sitting on a park bench and Jenny was micro waving their third batch of popcorn. She was finally forgetting all about prom … until Chuck Bass burst in through the door

'My flight's been delayed by three hours due to God knows what. I guess I'll just have to postpone – Blair.' Her heart instantly stopped once she heard him say her name.

'Hi Chuck.' She offered a pathetic little half wave before giving up and rising off the couch. 'I have to – bathroom.' She quickly ran towards Serena's room, slamming the door shut. She suddenly couldn't breathe, because she felt far too many emotions as soon as he entered the room.

'Blair.' She looked up, only to see him standing in the doorway, and once again she forgot how to breathe.

'Get out Chuck.' She instantly demanded, standing up from Serena's bed.

'Blair, we need to talk.'

'I have nothing to say to you Bass.' She folded her arms over her chest, trying to form a protective stance of some sort (though inside, she was falling apart).

'I can't stop thinking about you.' He burst out. 'Ever since the limo, I just can't stop thinking about you.'

'That's not enough Chuck!' she exclaimed, throwing her hands up into the air (not that she wasn't moved by what he said, but what she wanted to hear involved far fewer letters). 'It's not enough.'

'Then maybe this is.' He stepped forwards; cupping her face in his hands and all she could think was that she was supposed to pull away. But then his lips brushed hers and all thoughts flew out of her head. He pulled back and the kiss felt far too short.

'Just forget me Bass.' He kissed her again; only this time she let herself respond very passionately.

'I can't.' He rested his forehead against hers and their noses were touching. _Their noses were touching,_ so how was she supposed to resist? But she was Blair Waldorf and she was with Nate Archibald and she wasn't supposed to be here.

'Prom was a mistake.' She whispered before running out of the room and joining the large crowd of waiting people. The movie resumed and Chuck left and her heart broke when Diane Keaton left Woody Allen.


	3. Chapter 3

They graduated a week and two days after that (very) eventful Wednesday night Dan and Blair were (respectively) St. Jude and Constance's valedictorians. Blair had spent three months of her life carefully writing the perfect five minutes, and judging by the crowd's response she had definitely succeeded (Dan speech lasted an hour and fifteen minutes. She swore that she even saw Lily sleeping on Rufus' shoulder). After the graduating class threw their navy blue caps into the air, Lily threw an amazing (slightly exclusive) graduation party for Serena, Chuck and Dan. She spent all night giggling with Penelope, Hazel and Is though she **really **wouldn't miss those girls. There was a huge part of her that couldn't wait to put high school behind her) and spending as much time as possible with Serena (because soon she'd be at Yale and her best friend would be at Brown. She hadn't been separated from Serena since sophomore year when Serena disappeared to boarding school for nine months. She barely made it through that, how was she supposed to survive four years)? Halfway through dessert (which she refused to eat) Rufus got up to make a toast and she _really_ hoped that he wouldn't ramble as much as his son because then she would leave her best friend's graduation party).

'Hi everybody. I just want to say a quick few words, though I know nobody wants to hear from a parent.' Fifty seniors and their parents looked up at him blankly, wondering who the hell he was. 'On behalf of Lily and myself, I'd just like to say how proud I am of our three kids: Serena, Chuck and Dan. They'll be attending Brown, Harvard and Yale this fall and we couldn't be more honoured to be their parents. So: to Dan, Serena and Chuck. We wish you luck.' Blair smiled and raised her champagne glass, though Rufus' speech was a little cheesy. But she knew what was coming up next; Serena had spent the past week with Rufus as Tiffany's, trying to help him pick the perfect engagement ring. Proposing at her graduation party (well, not technically. But still.), however, was **totally** stealing her thunder. Now the rest of the night would be about the future Mrs. Humphrey, not Blair Waldorf, future Yale attendee. 'Now, I know tonight is about the kids, but there's something I would like to add. As all of New York knows, I've been dating Lily van der Woodsen for five months and, if possible, I love her more than I did twenty years ago. I'm so happy that we got another shot Lil, and I promise to never let you go again.' Lily looked up at him and smiled, her cheeks tainted due to this _very_ public (and sweet) display of affection. 'This has happened far too many times to Lily, so I really worried about how to do this. But I figured what better way than in front of our friends and family. So, as our children start their lives, I want us to start ours together.' Blair wanted to groan, this was **so **cheesy, but Lily was totally eating it up. 'So, Lillian Rhodes, will you marry me?' Lily grinned, her eyes instantly filling with tears. She nodded repeatedly, and Blair realized that she'd never seen Lily look so happy (and Blair had attended three of her weddings). The room burst into applause and Rufus slipped the ring onto her finger and Blair couldn't help but giggle. Everything had been shockingly cheesy and grand (and gross) but she had graduated and Lily was finally marrying the love of her life so how could she not be happy? Blair looked around at the roomful of people, her eyes pausing on a few familiar (and friendly) faces: her mother and stepfather clapping for the happy couple (though Blair turned her vision to Serena when Cyrus kissed her mother on the cheek), Serena laughing with joy as her mother and Rufus kissed, grinning at how perfectly the ring fit on Lily's finger, Dan and Jenny whispering to each other, smiling fondly at the woman who made their father happy (truth be told, they didn't want that to be their mother anymore), Nate's hand on hers, silently screaming that one day soon, that would be them And then Chuck, his dark eyes boring into hers, telling her how much it hurt to know that that could never be them. She never wanted to look away from him, but she loved him more than he was capable of loving her (that was a lie, more than he was capable of telling her). Maybe in twenty years, they would get their chance.

***

'V! You made it.' Grinned Dan, walking towards his best friend.

'Just in time to see your dad propose to Lily. Congratulations, soon you'll be Serena van der Woodsen's stepbrother.' He flinched and she couldn't pretend to not notice. 'It's nice to know that someone is in as much pain as I am.'

'Well, thank you for being brave and coming to my graduation party, despite Nate Archibald's –'

'And Blair Waldorf's.' she interrupted, grinning even though it hurt to say her name.

'Presence.' He nodded solemnly (because Blair and Nate reuniting was _truly_ depressing). 'I broke up with Ms. Carr.'

'Good for you!' exclaimed Vanessa, slapping him (lightly) on the shoulder. 'She seemed slightly psychotic.

'Let's just say she gets attached _way_ too quickly.'

'Aah.' Nodded Vanessa, suddenly filled with understanding. 'She suffers from Taylor Townsend syndrome.' (They might have been totally hooked on 'The O.C.' in tenth grade. Not that they would ever admit it to anyone but each other, it would ruin their image as teenagers who only ever watched movies at the Angelika. She always teased Dan that he was such a Seth, only less dorky and without perfect parents. When she came back, he labelled her Theresa, returning and rocking the world of all those who used to be close to her.)

'Yeah, she thought we were having an affair.' This caused Vanessa to snicker and link her arm through is. 'I'm so over that. Lead me to the buffet, I'm starving.'

***

Blair sighed as she stood outside the restaurant, looking up at the twinkling black sky. Se had to get out of the restaurant because she simply couldn't breathe in the presence of so much love. She opened her red Chanel clutch and pulled out a cigarette (her last one, unfortunately) and anxiously lit it before deeply inhaling that marvellous mixture of tobacco and nicotine (she picked up smoking after all that Yale drama because it gave her something else to think about, something else to do). She was just starting to get comfortable, just starting to forget _him_ when she heard the restaurant door open and then click shut. She was terrified of turning around to see whom it was.

'Blair.' Whispered Chuck, tentatively stepping towards her. Her eyes instantly fluttered close because she could feel his presence even before he spoke and that scared her.

'Go away Chuck.' She mumbled, dropping her cigarette onto the street and putting it out using the heel of her Jimmy Choos.

'I know that I hurt you. But my dad was gone and I had no one –' except you, he silently added. 'and I didn't know how I was supposed to act or feel. You're the best thing that ever happened to me but all my life my dad made me feel like I didn't deserve something as wonderful as you but then he was gone and I was so scared. I want to be a part of your life, I want to be there for you.' She swallowed the huge lump in her throat and kept looking forwards, watching the yellow taxi cabs drive by.

'And why would you do that?' she somehow managed to choke out.

'Because I – I love you.' When he said it, he seemed so sure of himself, like nothing could change how he felt. And it couldn't. Blair immediately let out a small sob, and her hand flew up to wipe the tears that suddenly wouldn't stop falling. She turned around to meet his eyes and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him and tell him that she loved him too and just forget everything that had happened recently. But she forced herself to remember that they were Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck and they couldn't be together.

'Well, that's too bad.' She wailed as she said it, hating herself so much but it was for the best. He stayed there, staring at her with a broken expression and she hated _him_ for making this so difficult.

'I don't believe you.' He replied, shuffling closer to her. She automatically stepped back, holding her hand out in front of her.

'I meant what I said Chuck, I'm done. Now go.' She demanded, pointing at the glass door. He muttered 'This isn't over Waldorf.' And walked back into the crowded restaurant and she let out a deep breath, one that she'd been holding in from the moment he pushed open the door. She wished that she hadn't smoked her last cigarette because all she wanted right now was to make her lungs as black as coal. The door opened and she held her breath once again.

'Blair, there you are.' Nate. She should have felt relief because he was _Nate_ and he was perfect and he wasn't Chuck Bass, but the truth was that every moment with her boyfriend felt like a prison sentence.

'Not now Nate.' She didn't trust herself around him, not at this particular moment anyway. She was fragile and she was still crying (and she was in love with another man).

'Blair, what's wrong?' he placed his hand on her shoulder and she automatically flinched away.

'I don't know what I want.' She cried, tears falling onto her expertly fitted Herve Leger dress. 'But I do know that it's not you. You're a good guy Nate and I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore. I don't think that I ever was, truth be told I didn't know what love was back then. If we stay together we're just killing any chance of us being friends and I don't want to do that.' She was still crying because Nate was one of her best friends and she was the one ending things this time and she was sick and tired of always being the responsible one and hurting those that dared to get close to her. Nate just nodded in agreement (because he had left Vanessa to be with her. _Vanessa _who was easy and pretty and never stopped laughing). and walked off, leaving Blair to wonder if she had ruined things between them forever. She couldn't face Nate and Chuck (or the deliriously happy couple) so she got into a cab and headed towards a bar (as far away from Boudiccan as possible because she _couldn't _bump into Charles Bartholomew Bass).

***

Blair groaned as she drank her fourth martini, finally starting to forget her various problems. There was something marvellous about getting hammered in a bar when she was only eighteen (though she might have paid two hundred dollars for her first martini).

'Are you ok?' asked the young man next to her (who she had just noticed. God, he was cute).

'I'm fine.' She smiled dreamily at him, her eyes half closed (because she had been up until four polishing off her speech. And she was wasted).

'It's just, you groaned and you seem really out of it, um, no offence, so I thought that …' he trailed off and for some strange reason she was reminded of Dan.

'Oh, it's just been a reeeeally long day. I graduated from …' she placed her hands on the sides of her lips and whispered. 'high school today.'

'Wow, congratulations. And by the way, I shouldn't be here either, I'm only nineteen, well, twenty next month. Fake IDs are wonderful, aren't they?'

'Oh my god!' exclaimed Blair, giggling hysterically. 'Oh my god, I had a fake ID when I was fifteen. It said my name was Lolita Starr, I can't believe that anyone actually served me alcohol.'

'Me either.' He chuckled softly and she found herself instantly captivated. She then took a moment to study his features and even in her drunken haze she could make out dark raven hair that was slightly on the longish side, his eyes seemed to be brown and green at the same time and his nose was oddly reminiscent of Serena's. He looked like someone she knew, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

'Are you sure we haven't met before? You look _very_ familiar.'

'That's the oldest pickup line in the book.' She laughed, realizing that he was totally right.

'Well, I'm Blair.' She offered her hand and felt tingles when he shook it.

'Andrew.'


End file.
